He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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