Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
