i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
