everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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