I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
