wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
