The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
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