this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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