new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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