dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
