Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
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already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
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All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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