It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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