His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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