I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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