no, he came in my armpit
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
