make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
