If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
So much Jack, so little girl.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
