we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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