I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
i was born a porn star she said
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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