he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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