Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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