Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
