Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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