He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
