you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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