You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Randomize
