Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
