Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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