hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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