a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
