Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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