Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
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