I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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