Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
