Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
