It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Who wears a wallet chain?!
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
