i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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