That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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