i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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