i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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