well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
