I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i love accidental penises.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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