yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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