bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I enjoy the company of your penis
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
