finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Randomize