I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
