Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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