he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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