Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Dicks are not precious.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
