**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
