Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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