shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
