I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
