My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I cannot find my penis.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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