I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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