Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
