3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
