i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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