i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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