his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
