Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
