I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i would punch a child for taco bell
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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