A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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