I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
My life is pants optional.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize