If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize