its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
